> waited until mid highschool to talk to girls
> im talking dancing with and taking to dances
> a few girls like me
> didn't know them much, was though fb or text, didn't see them much at school
> didn't care much about relationships in hs, thought they were dumb at the time
> graduate
> lose virginity at grad party
> give wrong # by mistake
> she wanted to go out, I had my reasons why I didn't like I didn't have a car, I live in a hoarded fucking house, and she was my friends fuckbuddy at the time and I wasn't going to do that to him there
> we were suppose to be friends and see where it went but I was an ass and never made an effort to get to her when I realized I gave her the wrong number
> fast forward
> fall in love with prom date from hs I started getting close to
> she goes to university states away, had feelings for me too but didn't want to get too deep knowing she was going back
> got even closer to her regardless, made out, held hands, did feet stuff
> opens up to me big time about her past, deep shit like her trying to kill herself a few times and other shit
> then she left
> Think every day about the guys she dated in the past who did things with her, think about what they had that I didn't
> Remind myself she liked me still, still feels like shit
> can't stop being irrational as fuck, imagining her doing shit that would hurt me
> regret not going for girls earlier, because I wasn't ready for this
> Don't care about sex, I just want her, or someone to snuggle with, and I almost could have, but I was a cunt
> consider dating sites, remember I don't have a fucking car and I can't bring people back to my house
> feels like shit, feels lonely
> I'm only happy when I'm at work doing things or when I'm with my friends, it makes me numb
> still have to hear about others relationships
> feels like a fucking cave, I know I can get out, but it won't be for a long time
> considered going out and fucking myself up, but listening to ska to pick it up a little