I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling.
Like 30% I've been given so much yet I use it for basic mediocrity, when I could be great.
30% just outright nihilism and dealing with how it doesn't matter.
20% self hate
5% hate for others because compensating for self hate.
5% content.
10% lonelyness
I want to go back to last month, it felt good reading Stirner and being an egoists, but the Machiavellian life style losses it's flare when your friend leaves you.